Conflict

I must admit I've been caught off guard by the unexpected conflict I've experienced after my spiritual awakening. I never questioned my life before the event. I followed the typical path of receiving an education, securing my first job, getting married, starting a family, changing careers, starting a business, and striving for success. Working hard, playing hard, and even over-engaging in hobbies felt like my life's plan.

And then, my life changed. Some describe it as an awakening, enlightenment, or ego death. Instantly, there was more. I was more. Life was more. I became aware of my dual nature. There was the human me, the physical me I always thought of as me, but I suddenly saw the true me, too—the essence of me, the energy me, the light-being me. God was with me, and I was with God. I was filled with Love, and tears flowed. 

But with awakening came conflict. My essence is experiencing profound joy and emotions my physical brain and body can't describe. My earthly body is restricted by language. There are no words to describe the sense of connectedness, of oneness I feel. My energy body is free. My physical body is bound.

Even my day-to-day activities are affected. I want to express my thoughts, to write. But I'm limited by words. The words I need don't exist. I want to work on my antique cars, but I sit alone outdoors, absorbing nature. I watch birds. I want to be outdoors. I want to meditate to explore more within myself, but instead, I binge-watch twenty-two seasons of Midsomer Murders television.

I am learning to deal with the conflict. I know it's okay to embrace spiritual and mystical experiences when they occur. I also know I am here to experience this life physically. The physical me is wired to be logical, to question everything, and to ignore the signs and experiences of spiritual encounters. It's okay. 

There is a balance.